Karebear’s Corner – July, 2016

GAMING MOM KARELIA EMERALDEYES OFFERS INSIGHT AND ADVICE
ON WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BATTLE MONSTERS IN-GAME AND AT HOME

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Artist’s rendering of what a typical day in Karelia’s life is really like…

We all know the world views gamers as a certain type of person. Young, a little nerdy, probably overweight, and living at home with mom. Right? But what happens when the person behind the screen IS a mom? What is life like as a gamer when you also happen to have tiny humans running around? Well wonder no more, friends! Here it is! An insider peek at life as a gaming mom.

Today, I want to introduce myself! My name is Karelia. I’m 34 years old, and I am a gamer. I have been a gamer for, literally, my entire life. My mom had to end a D&D game early to go to the hospital to give birth to me, and I’ve been playing tabletop RPGs ever since. Aside from that, I absolutely love to play FFXIV! I have previously played other MMOs like WoW and FFXI (spent 8 yrs on that one!) I dabble with console games as well, but I wouldn’t consider myself a particularly versatile gamer. I’m a fan of Lego games, and Kingdom Hearts is my JAM! I love to try new RPG style games, but I rarely finish them. FPS makes me angry, and sports games should just die in a fire. But I digress.

There is one thing that no matter what game I am playing remains the same – I am ALWAYS interrupted. See, I have these tiny creatures that run around my house and seem to believe that just because they came out of my vajayjay a while back, that means I owe them shit. Like…. food. I know, rude right?!  So I actually have 4 of these monsters. One is a 15 year old boy, which I imagine will be the subject of MANY future posts. I also have a 7 year old boy and twin 5 year old girls. All my kids are gamers to some degree as well, which is a fact I am super proud of.

The biggest challenge of being a gamer while also being a parent is time management. I mean, how in the world do you succeed in a game that requires hours and hours of hardcore work to max character level and playing ability for one, let alone multiple classes? Easy answer folks, you don’t.

You become a goddamned filthy casual, and you learn to be ok with being mediocre. Oh, I know what you’re thinking, why can’t I just dedicate certain hours a few nights a week to some hardcore raiding? Well let me tell you, my kids are assholes. I’m not talking the typical “MOOOOOM Chase punched me in the back because I stole his dinosaur and flushed it down the toilet!!!!!” kind of assholes. I’m talking full-on rebellion any time they think I am distracted enough not to notice. Overflowing toilets, bloody noses, broken windows; these kids are little gamer anarchists! Every time they get quiet enough that I can concentrate and really feel like I am getting somewhere in the game? Yep, you guessed it. THEY ARE QUIET!! That is TERRIFYING!!! Then I have to AFK, find the little shits, and figure out how to keep them from giving each other backrubs with the vibrator they found while playing Hide-N-Seek in mom’s SUPPOSED TO BE OFF LIMITS room! Ain’t nobody got time for that!!

“Overflowing toilets, bloody noses, broken windows; these kids are little gamer anarchists!” - Karelia Emeraldeyes

“Overflowing toilets, bloody noses, broken windows; these kids are little gamer anarchists!”
– Karelia Emeraldeyes

And thus begins the cycle. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and I honestly put my all into trying to be the best Bard I can be. Usually, however, it devolves into me wishing I was part of something more substantial like the “good ol’ days” when I was a super bad ass healer in FFXI, while grinding daily dungeons with friends and interrupting conversations on teamspeak with the occasional “are you fucking SERIOUS!?? STOP wiping your boogers on your brother! I don’t care if green IS his favorite color, that is NOT OKAY!!!!”

Until next time, my lovelies.

Looking for any parenting advice of your own? Hit me up! I’ve got years of experience fending off demonspawn while slamming Provoke macros! I’m your huckleberry!

About The Author

Warrior extraordinaire and Midlander heart-throb, Oldbear Stormborn is the founder and Editor-in-Chief of The Moogle Post. Fiercely dedicated to FFXIV, Oldbear is passionate about giving back to the community he enjoys so much any way he can.

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