Final Fantasy XIV has an amazing community, and we at TMP love to highlight the many wonderful things you guys are up to each month. But sometimes… sometimes we’re just a bunch of shitters. There are moments where our collective NaCl is so strong, it becomes ingrained in the very fabric of history. These have been deemed The Salt of the Ancients. I have mined deep into the scars on Mount Reddit to bring you the instances of outrage from years past.

This time, I’ve uncovered what is known as #SkipSoarOrDisband.

The final Extreme primal of Heavensward, Zurvan, the Demon, was famously an easier foe to topple than his teammates in the Warring Triad. Despite the encounter itself being on the uncomplicated side, it was the first 80 seconds of the battle that created some of the most exquisite salt the party finder has ever witnessed. As is usually the case with the more pungent varieties of sodium, Soar salt was multi-layered. On one side, we had people who felt a party without the DPS required to skip this mechanic needed to disband immediately. On the other, we had individuals who were okay with seeing Soar but would rage that no one knew how to properly execute the mechanic.

To tl:dr what Soar even is, it’s an attack beginning a minute and 20 seconds into the Containment Bay Z1T9 (Extreme) trial. It requires some predetermined positioning on behalf of the group and guarantees a dead party upon failure. However, it is possible to skip the mechanic entirely by dealing enough damage to the boss before that 1:20 mark

Seeking this information, a Reddit user, KloudToo, asked the adorably amusing question, “What is Soar and why are people skipping it?” and was met with this fantastic answer from DavThoma:

Mechanic that reduces the size of your epeen when you see it. If you skip it the epeen grows enormous in size.

See, this is what’s so amazing about Soar salt: everyone was at a severe lack of gruntles over this attack, and you can tell what kind of person a player is based on how they express that disgruntledness. If you’re in the market for some of that sick deepz, elitist salt, look no further than _RedMage_ who says,

It’s like a collective “YOU ARE A SHITTER” wake-up call that a lot of DPS have needed for a long time. Like I’m sitting here running Baelsar’s Wall, and my DPS [is] barely pushing 1.2k, and he’s got augmented Shire shit on and is about i265. I remember seeing a video of a dragoon binding every skill to Impulse Drive and Heavy Thrust, and then rolling his face around on a target dummy, and still pushing 1.1k DPS. It’s like seriously, the hell guys.

It appears this gentleperson’s logic is “I once saw someone who was intentionally bad, but not as bad as this other guy, so wake-up call!” Perhaps, you’re more interested in salt from the opposing side. AdamG3691 has you covered.

The reason it has become a meme is that despite being difficult, the mechanic can be cheesed: if you do enough DPS when he’s in “stripper cake” mode, he will skip the first soar, resulting in a LOT of parties that demand enough DPS to skip the mechanic, mainly because they can’t-do it properly themselves.

This person appears to suggest that players who want high DPS only want it to skip mechanics they’re unable to survive properly. So, good players are only good because it masks their badness? This a thinkin’ man’s salt.

Somewhere in the middle, we have the next level of sodium. One of this month’s featured TMP interviewees, Mr. Xeno himself, once posted a YouTube video on the topic of Soar that would help solidify the mechanic’s infamy for all eternity. In it, a party of eight tanks manages to clear Zurvan Ex, whilst coming within 3% of skipping Soar. While the intent of the video is unclear, players have managed to attach their feelings about the community at large to its implications, and thus, the salt flows anew.

Reddit user KShrike replied to the footage saying,

This is beautiful. This is actually a slap in the face of all the bad DPS out there. The tanks were 3% away from skipping Soar. If you take 5 DPS and you don’t skip Soar, you’re officially worse than 8 tanks.

His revelry is met by a response from kriptini, reading,

Congratulations, you completely missed the point of the video… The video is very clearly about not needing to skip Soar to clear the fight (also not needing healers or DPS).

Those two viewpoints on Schrodinger’s Soar would contribute to a deliciously salty argument, which includes such gems as this bit from a player known as KuusKuus:

PF DPS is awful. Average competency in this game is abysmal. I know it’s not a popular opinion, but I blame consoles. Not just PS3; PS4 too. Console players in general just do not try to do well.

I’m no expert on (non-seasoning-based) diversity, but I’m pretty sure this might be borderline racist.

There’s truly no end to the salt people still feel over Soar to this day, but rather than leave you with that taste, I’ve decided to offer a little mathematical palette cleanser for dessert. How skippable was Soar when it was current content? Skipping Soar required getting Zurvan below 75% HP within 80 seconds. 25% of The Demon’s HP is roughly 1.08 million damage you’d need in the first 80 seconds of the pull. This divides down to a required raid DPS of about 14k.

Was 1,700 DPS a fair average to expect from 8 players around item level 255? I’ll put it this way: Stone, Sky, Sea, asks for more than that (and with zero party buffs) from almost every DPS job to clear the Zurvan dummy. In fact, with any composition, merely beating that dummy with zero seconds to spare would require not only having more than the DPS to skip Soar but also sustaining that damage output for three minutes – more than double the duration of the Soar-skipping window.

Does that mean the outrage was justified? Was the salt indeed real? Ponder these questions while I travel to the mines of O’Ghomoro. I sense veritable LANDSLIDES of salt.

 

About The Author

Keeng Taswell

Everyone Who Cares is a website created by one of TMP's biggest fans, Hubert Davis (Keeng Taswell in Eorzea). We cover FFXIV, other games and basically anything else I care about through articles, live streams, and podcasts. Find us on Facebook, YouTube, Patreon, TMP, Twitter, our telegraph address, and our cup-string message network, or just check out everyonewhocares.com.

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